I remember one of the first lessons I was taught as a child was the Golden Rule that simply states, "Treat others the way you would like to be treated," simple enough! Let's expand upon this though. I still agree with this sentiment, but maybe not so much on its expansions.
"Put others before yourself," "Don't be selfish," "Give more than you take." All good guidelines, but damaging as a personal philosophy. Imagine actually giving more of yourself than what you get back from the universe...that's the start of a recipe for burnout. You simply cannot give more than you take. "Take" is such a strange word - a little too aggressive; let me change that. "Accept." Give more than you accept. Now, to do that seems silly. We live in a capitalist society, right? There is an equal exchange of goods in commerce. Why don't we apply this to our own lives? I'm not saying to monetize everything that you do, just make sure you get the recognition at the very least. There should always be an equal exchange of what you put out and what you accept back. And the "successful" people? Accept more than what they give.
To claim that it will always be equal is bullshit, life isn't fair. If you haven't figured that out and accepted it yet, you're going to struggle with living in this world. It's just not fair. There is no rhyme or reason to what happens to you, or the thoughts that cross your mind. Events occur, we react. Our reaction and how we register our emotions in that moment is what helps define the specific event/happenstance/thought's meaning. We give our own meaning to what goes on around us, not the universe, not God. Most things are very much intrinsic very little is extrinsic. The world exists extrinsically but I could argue that the world also doesn't.
Perception is everything and what we see is simply our own perception of what is actually there influenced by our own biases, beliefs, and values. The world that exists for me is different than the world that exists for you. Simply because of the very nature of perception. Each and every one of us is unique; would it be so wild to assume each and every one of our perceptions is slightly unique? We can throw out the idea that the world is the same for everyone simply on the argument that perception is subjective to the individual. A perception that clouds reality. Already, looking outside, you're changing the story to fit your narrative without even realizing it. A rainy day is a good day for a farmer, but a bad day for the photographer whose shoot was planned for different weather conditions.
Now that we've established that the world is a collection of our own perceptions and likely very different moving between each individual, adding in elements of social norms and dictations, and the world is VASTLY different for each individual. We can discern patterns based on race, gender, class, religion, etc. but innately, everyone's experience of "Earth" is unique. To reject the existence of certain privileges is ignorant at best and legitimately life-threatening at worst. However, that is a discussion for another day.
So, here we are. You've just accepted that the world is actually dynamic and unstable without any real purposeful meaning other than what we as individuals put to it. It is, actually, quite literally, your world. The world, in a sense, does revolve around you. It's your world! Your perception! Your big purposeful meaning. Why in the fuck are we putting other people before us? You're adding in a moderating variable with the ability to change the independent variable (you) and the dependent variables (your perception/meaning of the world etc.). While this is healthy to a degree, and the whole idea/reason behind having friends/companions, it's dangerous to take it to the level of putting someone else before you, and constantly. Let people into your life to affect you and your meaning of the world, but to constantly be doing this? Is an attack on your psyche. Give yourself a break.
I'm throwing out the negative connotation behind the word "Selfish." I broke the word down one day and thought to myself, hell, I hope to all that is holy that I'm Self-ish. Just a little. Not self-absorbed, not self-full, but self-ish. I want to be myself and always. So if I can be self-ish? Without feeling guilty about it? Fantastic! Stop feeling guilty for taking care of you because at the end of the day, all you have is you. Point blank. We, as humans, thrive on social connections and group mentalities. It's why we created things like government and religion. Working as a species together to enhance our lives. At least I think that was the original intention...money really fucked things up there.
This is all good and comforting, but let's not discount the fact that the brain is by far the greatest comedian and puppet master/magician of all time. For some of us, our brains are broken! The chemicals are all fucked and we struggle more or less. Brains are powerful, but inevitably unreliable. Our energies can be affected by a chemical imbalance. Trauma can quite literally rewrite your history by messing with your long-term memory stores. The brain is unreliable. What we perceive as true love, friendship, and general companionship has the potential to be romanticized in a way that helps us survive as social creatures. Your ride or die best friend? Has a limit for you. Your parents? Your lovers? Whether they're aware or not, have limits for you. You are the only person in the world with no limits on yourself if you so choose to live that way. I do.
That relationship you put so much dependence on, has an end-date. It just does. Whether that be by death or otherwise, all relationships end. The world changes. Forests burn, oceans dry up, and entire populations of species go extinct. There is a definite end to everything. Except you. You will always be with you. And most of that time you will probably be alone. Not only is this a huge indicator of who should be the most important person to you, but an SOS to the fact that you better get comfortable with your own company, and furthermore, love the shit out of yourself.
Everything is temporary, but you. This is actually a huge relief! The most stable thing in your life is you even when you're unstable. As much as you want to get out of your own head, you simply cannot. So focus on making it a livable space! You can say no to anything, but you. Those intrusive thoughts? Your own personal shame? Have fun swimming in that for the rest of your life if you're not actively paying attention and healing yourself. Therapy! It's an incredible resource.
But going off the idea that things, other than yourself, are temporary; this should bring you comfort. Sure, it means that happiness will come and go, but it also means that the overwhelming suffocation of despair and shame you're feeling is about to move on too. Acknowledge these things, feel through them, and inevitably, let them go. This goes for feelings, situations, people. You must be prepared to experience all things in life in a temporary state of being. That job you have? Maybe even your name! Everything is changing, make sure to keep up.
Everything you encounter in life will shape you in a certain way, but how deeply and effectively is up to you. Completely up to you. It is your world and your perception at the end of the day. People are special, and should be important to you, but never above you. And you can let these energies influence you, but that's all they are. Energies, stardust, atoms. You have full access to one thing in life and one thing only and that is you. Everything that makes you, you! The library of you lives inside your own body. Study you, learn you, shape you. This is your journey. The best way we can give back to the universe is making sure we're in a healthy place to do so. Learn about you, find what you really truly have to offer, and then offer it!
Giving is such a fulfilling thing. It can almost be seen as self-ish. It makes us feel good. But, balance it. Make sure you're getting out of the universe what you're putting into it. Look out for you. Take care of you. At the very very end of the day, you are all that you have. It's all about you, baby! So, put yourself first, fuck it! It's the healthiest thing you can do.
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