The simple introduction to certain addictive substances or behaviors can put your brain into a pattern of being in overdrive when it comes to the reward system. Take an average individual with seemingly no deep issues (this individual may not naturally exist), and introduce them to an addictive substance. Essentially, we're giving ourselves a "boost" from our basic, natural state which communicates to our brain that yes, this is good! Now, how do we get more?
Our reward system uses a neurotransmitter called dopamine in order to communicate what is classified as a reward and how we can better obtain that thing. Something about substances such as alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine raise our levels of dopamine signaling to our bodies that we need more and this is how we get it. At this point, your body is sending out signals to draw that substance back to us. The way we experience these signals is through cravings.
Like hunger, our body will light up its flares to let us know when it's time to next feed ourselves. Herein lies the system. Reward, crash, crave, reward, repeat! Dopamine does all of this communicating and we are the ones who feel it. What does a craving feel like? As someone who was recently addicted to nicotine, I will describe the feeling of craving that.
I used to vape which allowed me to vape indoors as the smell was pleasantly light to nonexistent. My favorite flavor was mango and the only real side effect of flavored vaping is that your spit tastes a little sweeter. The air around you is a little fruitier, and people think you're wearing perfume. Can I actually legally vape indoors? No, but no one can tell the difference if you know how to hide it (completely palm the entire vape when taking the hit, then hold to dissipate any vapor, then blow whatever is left into your shirt).
It feels like doom or anxiety. An anxiousness that is building into an imminent doom. You are confused as to what you need at first, you might even start eating because you think it's that. Sometimes it burns in your chest the way being horny burns in your loins depending on how long it's been since your last fix. You're panicking over something that you need, you're just not sure what it is. Until, you remember that you vape. Then, you take a hit, and everything is magical again. Reward system!
Because I was vaping indoors, the frequency at which I would take hits was probably out-of-this-world bonkers. It also formed a kind of oral fixation problem within me. No wonder they suggest chewing gum!
Going back to our example individual with seemingly no issues, the reward system dopamine creates and continues to implement by demanding these fixes is in full swing. What happens to the very real individual who does not start at this baseline, but much further below?
Imagine for a moment you are someone who has undergone a trauma or some experience that causes you shame. Maybe your shame comes from subliminal messages getting into your psyche stemming all the way back to childhood; we may never know! But the shame? Exists.
Addiction that is not perpetuated by trauma or shame is potentially easier to recover from than addiction that is complicated with the emotional need to numb or escape certain, and sometimes specific pain.
This individual with a baseline in shame that causes extreme emotional distress is much more likely to fall into an addictive pattern because the alternative? Way more work. I'll explain.
When dealing with shame, we mostly deal with it alone, inside our heads, where our inner voice takes over and our automatic messages become more and more negative as shame dictates. Your inner voice bounces off your negative experiences highlighting them and cueing a snowballing of your shame into a pit of despair. Now, would you rather sign up for therapy; essentially, put yourself on a payment plan to wellness that could take months to years to complete. Or? Do you go to the store and buy a pack of cigarettes to take one little hit and, ahhhhhh. Problem solved.
This is how your reward system works. It's instant gratification. It's the quick fix! In the long run, addiction may cost more than therapy ever would have, but in the moment? $10 pack or $200 for a one-hour session? You're walking your dog to the bodega and slipping into addiction.
And this is how it begins!
But I'm not here to tell you to get into addictive habits because you're feeling like you're a piece of shit. I'm here to tell you that the reason you're addicted to that thing is most likely shame. And shame likes to play games and take you on rides! And shames favorite ride is the addiction carousel.
On the addiction carousel, you're told you're a piece of shit, you believe you're a piece of shit, so you decide to do piece of shit things to support this claim on yourself. Not only is the physical craving a problem for you, but so is the emotional pain underlying your shame. For the shame-soaked individuals, you now have two triggers to your reward system. The cravings, and any damn time you're reminded of your shame.
This is why it's so hard! It's not just about the physical, it's about the emotional too.
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction (haha this sounds like the beginnings of an infomercial) and you've both tried quitting to no avail? Consider healing the emotional side of things. Being addicted to a substance or certain behaviors can clue you in to the fact that you may be dealing with some residual shame over an experience that may have been traumatic, but not necessarily.
Ask yourself, "What triggered this?" If you can claim it was the experience of the substance or the substance itself that created a reward system within you, then you're a little better off than the majority - not much, but better. If not, consider that maybe your substance abuse or addiction has deeper connections to unmet needs, unresolved childhood shame, or even self-disgust.
Being able to identify the underlying triggers to your addiction is key in getting over them. Meet your underlying needs first, and then? Let go.
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