The Key to Confidence

Have you ever heard the phrase, “fake it til you make it?” That’s it! That’s the secret!!

I did this. One day I decided I was going to be confident and I never looked back. Every time I had a self depreciating thought, I rewired it into something positive about myself. I started writing down things I was grateful for every day, and I started taking care of myself more.

It started out as a new skin care routine and moved into actually scheduling a haircut for myself. I just, started caring. About me!

It felt funny at first, and I definitely felt like some sort of imposter. It was not easy and there’s definitely a learning curve. I felt selfish, I felt shallow, and I felt fake. You may feel this way too; I call them growing pains. Society teaches us that it’s bad to care about our looks, or bad to invest in ourselves and not to think about ourselves. But let me explain the difference between what I was doing faking confidence, and what society deems as “bad.”

The difference lies in where I put myself in life. Faking confidence didn’t make me feel BETTER than anyone, no. It made me feel ENOUGH. Which I think is a word people lack in their vocabulary when describing themselves.

My advice to you is to start with the idea that you are “good enough” and work from there. What are some automatic messages that come up when you say that to yourself? When you think it? Does your brain fight back? It might! That’s where rewiring comes in.

Second, keep a gratitude journal. You’ll be surprised how easily and quickly the good things in your life add up! And I mean count EVERYTHING. Name at least three, but keep going if there’s more! You can be specific to that day, or broad. Some examples if you’re stuck, “I’m really glad my nose isn’t stuffy today, it feels nice to breathe easily.” Seems a silly thing to be grateful for, but you’ll be wishing for it next time you catch a cold! And of course the more obvious big ones, “I’m really grateful to be alive!” Or “I’m grateful for all the things my parents taught me whether they meant to or not.”

There are plenty, plenty, plenty of things to be grateful for ranging from having a toothbrush to finally paying off your car. From how perfect your poached eggs were in the morning to the love your spouse gives. Do you see how easily the list grows?

This is something simple you can do and of course there’s a learning curve to this as well. You may be reaching sometimes to get to 3 particularly on the “bad days.” But something I noticed after finding my list is that things throughout my day would become obvious to me. Walking to work in the summer I get sweaty, so when I feel a breeze come by my immediate thought is, “thank you!!” And it actually improves my day. You start appreciating the little things and all of a sudden your life really isn’t all that bad!

Care about what you look like. Just do it! But be kind to yourself. It’s all about balance. Don’t nitpick at yourself, but get into a routine instead. Start with skincare like I did! I scheduled a dermatologist appointment and now I have clear skin! This did wonders for my confidence. Again, seems shallow, but cmon people! Of course clear skin will make you feel better!

I had a coach in high school who when asked why we would need to dress up on game days at school would simply state, “look good, feel good, play good.” I didn’t realize at the time how much this would stick with me and just how true it is! We perform better when we feel better about ourselves and we naturally feel better about our selves when we look good!

I started dressing up before tests, I started dressing up on “big days.” I’m a sweatpants girl through and through. I could be spotted on campus in the same grey sweatpants and hot pink sweatshirt walking to class every day. I shudder to wear sweatpants in public now. I dress up everyday for work even though I just work inside someone’s house. It feels good!! And it makes me play well.

Start small, fake it. These things will grow into habits, routines, and finally full-on confidence. Good luck! ;)