At this point in our evolutionary process as human beings, it is common knowledge that being sexually active deems you to be either a rockstar or a "slut" (another made-up word with no meaning) and the only influencing factor here is gender! One of the facets of our sex lives surrounds this idea that we have virginities and that they can be taken, stolen, or lost. What is a virginity and why do we care so much?
Virginity is the fabricated measurement of whether an individual is pure or tainted; sexually speaking. And just one sexual encounter can take you from virgin to slut. It's actually psychotic. The idea of body counts is so wildly immature, I might just start telling people I lost count just to see the shock register on their faces. As a woman, my virginity is held to a higher standard than that of a penis-bearing individual.
To obtain your virginity into adulthood as a man is embarrassing while losing one's virginity before marriage as a woman is borderline illegal it's so evil and wrong. And begs the question....if the women are shamed into waiting, and the men are shamed into "getting rid of" their virginities as quickly as possible, who is having sex with these young men? Are they fucking each other?
It hurts both genders, actually. For starters, being "sexually pure" denotes the existence of something that has the ability to make us sexually "impure." That thing? The penis.
Men, why in the fuck would you want your junk to represent something that "dirties" the individual its getting inserted into? It's disgusting, and why penises are so seemingly gross. Why women "don't want sex as badly as men." I mean, cut the bullshit. If you want women to be more sexually active, maybe stop shaming them about their sexual exploits? Just some advice.
I can say with certainty there is no magic in losing your virginity. You don't become overly attached, and if you do, its subliminal from society's anal-like obsession with purity. I used to subscribe to the belief that there were two virginities out there. The physical one, and the emotional one. Some people wrap this all up into one; I did not.
Let me tell you something, there is no difference. When my virginity grew legs and ran away, I fell in love with that individual 0%. When my emotional virginity was up for grabs, I was already in love with the person, but I can say with 100% confidence my love did not grow or multiply or inherently expand for this individual whatsoever. It's just sex! Get over yourselves!
And its made up! It's all a scheme to reevaluate the individual, immediately deeming them good or bad. And of course, premarital sex is a sin. "Sin," "impure," "stolen," "taken," and "lost;" all made up sentiments surrounding virginities and sex and how we relate to it. The kicker? We actually listen to and believe this crap.
Why is it that we ruin everything good in life? I mean, really. Even the trope to "turn your passion into a profession" is a little wonky, right? Every time I've tried to monetize a hobby, I give that hobby up entirely once I've moved on from that job. I refuse to let my passions get dampened by the monetary motivation to need to do what I love. Don't tell me what to do! It's my passion! Why did we have to go and ruin sex with this construct of virginities?
Imagine for a moment that sex was just sex. An activity. Not a big event, not a meaningful, emotional experience by default, just sex. It would be liberating! We could do it all the time! Being safe along the way, of course, but damn, people! Why? Why did we put measurements on sex and then directly relate that to our self-worth and ability to be "wife material." It's absolutely fucked.
If, in this day and age, someone dared to ask me anything relating to any measurements involving my sex life; be it dick size, body count, or some other backwards way to evaluate someone, I'd laugh. I'd laugh and walk away, how old are you?
Not to mention, it simply does not make sense. For starters, this idea of the "loose woman" based solely on the amount of different partners she's slept with is....flawed. I mean, as a single woman I was maybe having sex hmmmmm 4 times a year. With 4 different people? Sure! That number is now 4. Inside a partnership in my dating days? Sex all the time. Sex more than once a day. I kept a period calendar once and in a 6 month period, I had copulated with my significant other over 300 times. But my number is 1. Single lady who only had sex 4 times all year? Slooooooot in comparison. Make it make sense.
Which is why the word "slut" is also wildly fabricated and simply used as a way to shame people. You can't be a slut, you can only be "slutty" and that's only when you're doing something morally wrong with really anything. For example, fucking your best friends boyfriend is slutty. That is the only time you can ever use that word in relation to sex, and not as a noun; as an adjective. No one is a slut, we all just do slutty things sometimes. And this is not only limited to the world of sex! You can be slutty for ice cream if you went about it in a nefarious way. Like eating the entire tub before anyone else in the family is even aware of it; super slutty behavior.
I, honest-to-god, do not trust people who don't have sex in a free and liberating way. I don't trust it! You're ruining the best thing we have! Stop shaking your head, and get down off your high horse. Everybody loves sex in the same exact manner, in the same exact amount, all the time. This does not vary across genders. So, why is there so much disparity in sex drive amongst men and women, Beth? Hmmmmm.
Men are praised and sometimes even disturbingly worshipped by other men when it comes to sexcapades and "scoring." Women? Have "something to lose" when they have sex. for whatever stupid reason our value drops the second that something is lost. Again I say, if you want more women being sexually liberated? Stop shaming us. And also, stop fucking raping us and harassing us about it and maybe we'd be more inclined to do it! Holy hell, the amount of sexually traumatized women out there account for most of the population. don't believe me? Ask the first woman that comes to mind (who you know personally and can ask this of) if they or anyone they know has ever been sexually assaulted. Spoiler! It's everyone.
Every single woman I've gotten the pleasure to call a friend or best friend has either personally gotten assaulted, or had a story to tell about it. Out of the ~10 women I got to know deeply and personally in college? All ten had been assaulted. All motherfucking ten. One was suspected to be drugged, one woke up to it, another put her trust in the wrong person to take care of her. And, no. None of us ever brought this in front of a judge. The numbers out there on the instances of assault? Double it, triple it! It's everyone!
Between being told we're disgusting, loose, ruined, impure, or slutty paired with the near constant harassment and extremely probably assault, why the fuck would we ever be honest about our sex drive?
So we're shamed into being the "emotional" sex while men get to be "passionate." And that's the other side of the coin isn't it? Being sexually liberated as a male looks like passion and adventure, being sexually liberated as a female looks like loose morals and questionable sanity. I mean, really; how many times do you hear the "daddy issue" label get slapped on any woman who just happens to be free with her sex life? It's exhausting, guys. Get a new narrative.
Can virginities please go the way of dowries at this point? We're not motherfucking cattle.
And, another thing, our vaginas don't expand based on your dick size, or amount of dick they eat, or the frequency in which that dick is being eaten. Want to know the real mechanism behind the expanding vaginal canal? We're getting turned on!!! You should be whooping and hollering you ungrateful bastard. And the flip side to this, guys? If it's too tight to fit, she doesn't fucking want it. Its not that we're "super tight, oh my god," or that your "dick is too big," lol; we're not turned on by you. Something about what you're doing isn't working. My vagina is literally sealing itself to your member and still you think I'm into it? You think this is just my tiny vagina? No, sir. Level up your game.
Personally, I think men are so confused as to what they're meant to be doing down there that they default to shaming us just enough so they don't have to actually do it. Imagine if I asked for a seat at the same frequency in which you all asked for blowjobs. You'd quit! You'd freaking quit, it's as simple as that. I think this whole idea behind sex being dirty and only for loose or otherwise insane women, is a way around sexually pleasing us. Actually figuring it out. "They don't care like we do, huehue." *eyeroll* We want to come just as much as you do, buddy! But god forbid we say that. Or get desperate about it like you all do. We'd get torn to shreds. "She's thirsttttty" *eyes getting stuck in the back of my head now*
So, until we get to a place where we can all agree that sex is for fun and meant to liberate and distract us from the reality that is this life, women will continue to hide in the shadows being "mysterious" (fucking horny, but we have to be clever about it) and using jedi mind tricks to communicate that yes, we want sex! Just fucking get off our backs about it and let us fuck each other.
Until then, have fun paying for it.
Are you okay Babe?