Why is sex work so dangerous? There are the obvious reasons and the not-so-obvious and I'd like to touch on some of my personal reasonings for why sex work can be and continues to be dangerous.
The number one thing you need to keep in mind as a sex worker is that most if not all of your clientele does not respect the average sex worker. This is the most dangerous element because a lack of respect means boundaries might be broken and in most cases means they will be. When boundaries are broken in sex work it then becomes assault or full-on rape. This is always a risk for the average sex worker on the field. As a sex-worker, society sees you as "less than" meaning, less than human. This is dangerous by itself.
Add on top of that that there is a transaction with money involved. You are now a service provider and somehow we all think the customer is always right. It's perfectly acceptable for the client to push and cross boundaries, they're paying! And they already see you as less than human. They may even see you as a toy they're renting for the hour, and we all know how kids treat their toys.
Moving into the different areas of sex work, what also needs to be understood is your clients are paying for sex, right? No one is looking to pay for vanilla sex. Some are, don't get me wrong. Some people may even just like the company. I've had clients who simply wanted good conversation while having a night out on the town. Most, however, are looking for some sort of release. The kind of release they feel they cannot ask for in "the real world" because sex work is most definitely a fantasy world.
And it's still widely illegal!
This is a dangerous precedent already because both parties are aware that both parties are willing to work around the law. What else are they willing to circumvent to achieve pleasure? We're already breaking the law, what's a silly boundary to them?
These are all pre-existing elements the sex worker has to keep in mind and be on-guard about. Assume they don't respect you. Assume they will push boundaries. Communication is key here and you must be assertive in your boundaries and services. Be assertive in your time tables. Be assertive about money up-front. And black-list any and everyone you need to in order to keep the rest of the sex work community safe. Be ruthless. They will be.
There is no set demographic to the clientele. People from all walks of life contact sex-workers. I mean it's everyone. And there's one simple reason for this; kinks exist!
Kinks are highly shamed in society and even as we move into a more progressive, sex-positive mindset, it's hard to open up and play around with your deepest darkest desires. It's shameful and embarrassing. So, they take it into a shameful and embarrassing arena...sex work.
It's shameful to be a sex worker (society's opinion, not mine). It's embarrassing to the client to admit they hire hookers. I think there's a misconception that people who hire hookers are desperate. They somehow can't get sex "in real life" so they pay for it.
This can not be farther from the truth. People seek out sex work for various reasons and while I've found the most common reasoning is loneliness, there is also an element of being oppressed in their sex lives somehow. Whether it's a personal block, religious trauma, or a diversion of expectations, clients exist inside a sex-negative world and they just want acceptance in their natural, instinctive state. Let's talk about those.
Inside the world of sex work, fantasies abound and kinks are explored. Sounds fun, right?
There is also an element of danger to this. We all like to think we live in a cookie-cutter world where the most shameful kink is a foot-fetish. I don't think any kinks are shameful. But I need to define kink. A kink can only exist in a consenting world. In fact, I don't think any kink could possibly be explored without consent present. If someone is labeling their fantasy as a "kink" but that fantasy does not include consent? That is not a kink. That person needs help.
And I've encountered these types of potential clients multiple times. I never accept them.
Let's talk about CNC because this is a "gray" area for me. CNC stands for consensual non-consent. As a victim of rape, this horrifies me. Which is the basic chemistry needed to form a kink.
A kink in the bedroom is our deepest fear in reality. I subscribe to the belief that kinks are bred from fear and wanting to explore that fear and work it out. For example, I label myself as a very submissive lover. Seems counterintuitive, no?
You would think, as a former rape victim, I would want control in the bedroom. This is not the case. In fact, continuing to be in a submissive dynamic while also not continuing to be raped, has helped to rewire my fear of rape. Submission and consent go hand-in-hand. I've found that the submissive partner is very cared for in these types of dynamics. It helps me to feel safe in a backward, roundabout way.
CNC I think is acceptable to explore from the submissive perspective, but when it's suggested first by the dominant party, I become wary.
I think CNC should horrify the average person. Both parties consenting to play out a rape situation? That's absolutely fucking insane and both parties need to seek help.
As a rape victim, I could see myself consenting to this with a primary partner I trusted (because I'm fucked up from sexual trauma) and even then it makes me sick to my stomach. If you have a CNC fantasy, I would not consider this a kink. This is an illness. Not to mention how disrespectful it is to rape victims everywhere. To suggest a rape situation could ever be pleasurable is ignorant at best and absolutely life-threatening at worst. Get help.
And yes, I've been approached to play out CNC scenarios where the client wants to be the dominant party or, more accurately, the rapist. Again, not a kink! This is an illness.
Moving into another horrifying scenario presented to the average sex worker, the pedophile.
Pedophiles are everywhere. Think of something illegal you do pretty regularly and consider how many times you have not been caught for that something. The pedophiles getting caught are just the stupid ones, unfortunately. Wise pedophiles exist which is terrifying. Take your number of known pedophiles. Double that number, triple it.
And that's where sex work becomes dangerous as hell. Sure, there are the people who just want company. Then there are the clients who are too ashamed of their perfectly natural kinks who seek out sex work to explore. Again, fine. And then there are the literal criminals who seek release from a sub-human in order to overcome their evil desires. Truly evil.
In the beginning, I had the mentality that at least these people were asking me to play this out instead of playing it out in reality, but this is a slippery slope if you consider the make-up of psychopaths. It's never enough. You, as a sex worker, will never be enough.
By accepting these clients, you are first and foremost normalizing a horrific crime. You are communicating that yes, it is okay to fantasize about this at the very least. I'm telling you, that is the beginning of setting these criminals on children. You will never be enough. You will be the jumping point off the cliff of pedophilia. You just materialized their illegal, dark, and evil fantasy in a way that may give the perspective of, oh, this is easy. Now I'm bored. How can I upgrade?
I understand an age-gap kink. Age-gaps are a bit murky because depending on the age of the "adult" I still find that consent is lacking there fully. An age-gap between two consenting adults that are healthy is a kink. Anything beyond that is a crime.
And I've been asked to pretend I'm a ten-year-old before. I believe the request was to wear pigtails and take a shower with him and call him "daddy" the entire time while curiously and innocently exploring him. I recall he wanted it to be like a "sex-talk" with his daughter but he would then "show me."
Yeah, vomit!
And these clients exist in between every other client. It's absolutely horrifying and it's because these people don't respect sex workers. They assume we need the money just as much as they need release from their dark desires and oh my god not enough money in the world could convince me to play out that little scenario with ANYONE.
So, sometimes you're being contacted by your average joe looking to try pegging just once. But then you're getting contacted by criminals because you yourself are technically a "criminal" as well. This is why sex work is dangerous. Sex work being illegal gives the impression that sex workers will participate in illegal activities.
When someone comes at you with the perspective that you're willing to throw rules out the window because you're already throwing one out? Danger.
Sex work is a fantasy world yes, but it's most definitely not the arena to do sexually illegal activities despite the main activity being illegal itself. Clients don't seem to understand this or respect the sex worker enough to assume she/he has basic morals. We do! And your pedophilic ass is getting blacklisted.
All in all, sex work can be a fun, explorative time but it comes with its dangers and I think these reasons are why it's so dangerous. The lack of respect from the get-go paired with you both now privately committing a crime together creates a space of "anything goes" and that's just not true. Furthermore, that kind of perspective is life-threatening to the sex worker.
Be safe! Be wary and assertive! And blacklist when necessary, even when you're not so sure, just do it. Better safe than sorry. There will always be more clients. Everyone hires hookers. Everyone.
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