And it sucks! Because in the moment, you feel totally justified. As if everything involved in the bullying fell under the category of "retaliation" and that it equates to the original maleficence. I have a story about a time I joined in on some classic bullying only to realize much, much later just how wrong it was.
We've all heard the phrase, "Two wrongs don't make a right," and at the time of my bullying I guess I decided that three lefts do and proceeded with right-ing this original wrong by taking those left (cheap) swings.
Our story begins on a crisp fall day in where I learned some tragic news from my very best friend on the volleyball team, we'll call her Amy. As I've stated in earlier pieces, I am fierce about best friendships (it's why I lose all my best friends; I'm too much!). Amy on this day, had been hurt and the fire within me grew and was redirected to the WRONG perpetrator.
Amy had been dating this piece-of-shit (hindsight) guy named Lucas who seemed to have a habit of adultery. The latest victim in his parade of secret cheating scandals? Another girl on our high school volleyball team. We'll call her Sally. And so was the beginning of dredging up every single misdemeanor involved in his affair affliction. Not before we full-on bullied this girl right off the team in under two weeks, though.
Cue our first volleyball practice after word of their conulingus got out.
If we needed partners for something, Sally was left out. If we were practicing serving, Sally was the target. In fact, Sally was always the target of everything during practice. It was cheeky and obvious at the same time. I have to believe our coach knew exactly what was going on and turned a blind eye.
Amy was the better player and Sally was basically a future investment after players like Amy graduated in an attempt to train her to be more like Amy. In conclusion, Amy was a higher priority to the coach. The bullying continued without any attempt at behavior correction from the adults in the room. Which, of course, only served to validate our antics with this girl.
Was Sally in the wrong? Sure, but not nearly as much as Lucas. Of course, Lucas was kicked to the curb after this with absolutely no chance at redemption. We didn't have to deal with Lucas on a daily basis for 3 hours after school, though. It was Sally we had to put up with moving forward. So, she got served the retaliation we so smugly thought she deserved.
We called her names and put her down. The bullying was mental, emotional, and physical as balls would go flying in her direction or directly at her face. After a week and a half of incessant name-calling and ball-targeting, Sally exited for the season never to return to the sport in a high school setting ever again.
Which is really, really, really fucking sad.
Was it extremely disrespectful and stupid as fuck for Sally to be involved with a teammates long-term boyfriend? Of course! But that doesn't mean she should've been bullied. Certainly not to the extent of needing to quit a high school sport in perpetuity.
I don't have any excuse for this, really. I firmly believe "the other" is never to blame. Only a little. I think out of solidarity, we as humans should avoid the position of "the other" but sometimes we can't and that's just not on us. Again, I never signed anything promising to help your partner be faithful. That's on them. And this was very much on Lucas.
Sally was an outlet for the rage we felt at the betrayal of our good friend Amy. She had - in fact - tangoed in tandem with this skeevy little prick and we made sure she knew she was wrong.
Sally? I'm sorry. This was me learning the hard way that two wrongs don't make a right as I've felt horrible guilt over this for years. We were children and of course we were going to make mistakes and yours wasn't really all that bad. Although, don't shit where you eat, girl.
If you have ever been in the position to be the bully and felt completely self-righteous about it? Don't totally beat yourself up, but maybe consider that you were wrong for responding in the way you did and do better next time. Respond with love and understanding when you can, and when you can't? Shut your mouth and just walk away. It's a waste of time and energy to bully someone and bullying typically stays with you for life.
I know; I've been bullied too.
And the world keeps on spinning.
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