Not sure how you define the human spirit, but I am assuming you have generalized about this very topic before. Maybe it was an offhanded comment, "I hate people," in response to an unfortunate situation. Maybe you were a little more serious in your generalization, "People are so disappointing." True! Oh, how true that is. We interact with at least one other "person" a day whether we like it or not. I think we're all wondering the same thing going into these interactions; Is this person good or bad? Are people inherently good and positive? Or bad and negative?
I have been back and forth over the years on this one being thrown steadily into the "bad" category based on some personal experiences, but the idea of people being inherently good has always stuck with me. Call it the remnants of religious abuse, but I truly do believe in the goodness of the human spirit. So, I am officially here to tell you that yes, people are inherently "good."
This of course contradicts the belief that we are all born with original sin. I have to tell you, I really don't believe in "sins." Which I suppose makes sense as to sin would be to go against something "in charge" and I don't believe in that something. I think there are acts you can commit that rip your own soul and make it difficult, and in some cases, impossible to move on to The Great Beyond, but that's for another day. I don't consider them to be sins though. I just don't believe in them!
People are born pure and clean and whole. We all start out this way in my opinion. Forget the idea that some twats in a garden made it so that we're all born ready to fight; no. Are you kidding? As if life wasn't already hard enough you're going to slap a dark mark on an innocent soul and immediately put them to work? Literally people!! Can't you see how fucking absurd religion is? I digress.
So, indeed, we are inherently good. I'm sure you want to call bullshit so allow me to explain.
The common belief about humans is that the one thing we all have in common is that we all want to be loved. I disagree. Sure, we all strive for love in our lives, but that's not actually what we want. What humans really want is to be understood. Period. Our whole lives are a battle to being heard and eventually understood. With understanding comes empathy and respect; two things that help create love. To an extent I agree that humans just want to be loved. I believe we THINK that's what we want. But we're getting it confused with being understood. Let me expand upon this idea.
I think one of the biggest human struggles is accepting ourselves as "unique" or just baseline different. There are so many standards set before us - literally based on some ideas some dude had at one point in time; weird that we even consider them still - that the automatic response is to fall in line. And we perpetuate this idea of sticking to the standard through all sorts of "advice" and "words of wisdom."
"Keep your head down," "Smile and nod," "Try to fit in," "Don't be a weirdo,"
And there are other, more profound ways to say those things, but you get the idea.
Bottom line, we are all different. It is impossible for all of us to be the same, just absolutely impossible. Sure, doppelgängers exist so I guess in the physical make-up of the human body - which has nothing to do with our essence - we can be similar. I think this makes it easier for us to connect. I think this was by design. Other than that, we are all extremely and super excitedly, different as hell.
As a child, it is almost a straight up value of ours to simply fit in. We have bullies to tell us when we're not, and we have the "in-crowd" to tell us when we are. By the time we get to high school an entire hierarchy of social status has been defined and practiced. And it's evident in the cinema! Their are tropes out there. The cycle continues to perpetuate.
As we grow, we can feel this difference in ourselves and in some cases, it causes panic. This, I think, is totally normal given the society we grew up in. So far, our entire lives have been compromised by regulations that keep us "in line" when referring to our human behavior. Most behaviors are learned and habitual but some are very reactive. We mostly learn from our reactionary behaviors as they are very telling of who we are. For example, my physical bodily reaction to the word "family" is to close up. I can feel my chest tightening, my heart rate rising; a general discomfort. This is reactionary and not based on my own decision, but extremely interesting as this type of reaction suggests family makes me feel trapped. It does!
By the time we're off on our own, we've been living inside our own brains for enough time to recognize at least one major difference. For me, I was about 21 when I accepted I was not monogamous. I had spent years shaming myself over this for no good reason!! The cycle of falling for someone, then developing a crush on someone else, so I dump the original lover; its exhausting and super unfair. The pattern of on-again-off-again relationships was draining and alarming to me. What was my issue? Fear not if you are in the same boat! You are not flawed, you are different; unconventional.
It was much more comfortable for me to explain from the get-go my philosophy on love, monogamy, and relationships. That you can have me! But only a piece. And is that good enough for you? Yes? amazing!
So, you've arrived at your major difference. I wish we were taught how special this was. How in being different, we are all the same. There is a cohesiveness to the collection of the unique. Instead, we retreat into our own heads and wrestle around with the idea of accepting ourselves. It happens alone, in the dark corners of our brains, and it sometimes lasts a lifetime. This is the real human tragedy. Letting our differences defeat us instead of strengthen us.
We've established now that being different is a byproduct of being human and that everything in society tells us this is wrong. Super fucked. But it makes us feel misunderstood. Not acceptable. So, actually, most of our lives are just us trying to be heard. To hear the words, "I get it." There's a reason group therapy is so successful. It's one thing to talk to a professional who has studied what you're going through, but to talk with someone who is actually going through what you're going through just in their own personal brand of crazy is a major relief and way more helpful.
I think one of the biggest struggles we have with our anger is the feeling of being misunderstood. It's frustrating! It makes us yell! Everything makes perfect sense in our heads, so why can't we express this properly? Some people are just super bad at this. Cannot find the words. Have no idea how to translate thought patterns into language. On the flip side, no one is a good listener. Unless you read an article on active listening, or have been to therapy learning communication skills through dialectical behavioral therapy, you're pretty much screwed. We do not as a society put an emphasis on listening. It's all about being out-spoken and heard. Learn how to listen. People just want someone who understands.
Essentially, we are out here trying to understand and attempting to be understood to feel a certain level of acceptance and love. There is no evil involved in this, we're simply curious human beings. And I guarantee most of the evil you find can be traced back to an individual being misunderstood. I think we make our biggest reactionary behaviors out of this. Not being understood is definitely a trigger for most people that makes them totally act out.
Next time you happen upon a funky character that might be a bit off-putting stop and consider that you just don't understand. You can leave it there; deciding this character is still good, just different, and move on. Or you can take it a step further. Teach yourself something about the human spirit. Strike up a conversation and just listen. Everyone has a story to tell and people are so interesting! ...With the exception of middle-aged white American men. They, truly, are all the same - I have proof. I mean, it makes sense. America works for white men, so there's not much they have to do to adapt to their surroundings making variability amongst them pretty much nonexistent. Although, my boss is totally different. Incredible human being. So, there are exceptions to this even.
Final Verdict: People are inherently good and our biggest struggle as humans is being understood. The world was made a certain way and it just doesn't accommodate MOST of us. You are not broken!! You just need to find the people who are willing to listen :)
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