Simply, this. I'm not sure when we decided the opinions of other's mattered, but I'm here to tell you that they don't. And, anyway, most opinions are tainted by our own values, morals, and beliefs. Already your very being is working against the biases of the other person, why trust what they have to say about you? Just don't!
You know you best, you know this! This makes sense. When you're feeling ill, do you ask your neighbor for help? Or do you go to the Doctor? The professional, the expert! You are the expert of you and whenever you have a question about you, all you need to do is search yourself and you'll find the answers. It is 100% impossible for anyone else in this world to overtake you in expertise on your own self. Impossible. Keep this in mind.
I, luckily; although, through unlucky circumstances, learned this lesson early. I think it has greatly contributed to my own view of myself as positive and empowering. It's built up my confidence. I was about 11 when I got hit with this idea. Quickly followed by the idea that anyone who doesn't like me? They either don't understand me or they're jealous! Hehe!
This solved almost all my problems as a middle school kid. As a middle school kid, your biggest problem is fitting in and being liked. We want to be liked so badly in middle school. To be cool. To be pretty. I had a pretty turbulent home life as a child so my problems superseded beyond "Oh, no. She doesn't like me." I think this gave me a bit of an edge in this arena. Emily not liking me? Not at all stressful when compared to the fact that I was terrified of my parents getting a divorce. It really minimizes this issue for a kid. Silver lining I guess.
I remember my mom always telling me, "She's just jealous!" and coming from my mom, who was absolutely supposed to at the very least pretend I was the best thing to happen to her even if it wasn't true, it didn't hold much. Of course my mom would see it this way! Would everybody else? STOP RIGHT THERE. Who cares about everyone else? It's none of your business remember?
Think about the thoughts you've had about people. Like truly search your mind and think back on the moments you liked someone or didn't like someone. The opinions you formed around them. Start with strangers. I used to have a huge problem with calling girls sluts. If you were hot and showing off your body around me and my boyfriend? Slut!!! "Slut" is so interesting because....it's not real. You quite literally cannot be a slut. It's impossible. What even is a slut? Someone who has a lot of sex? I call them athletes now.
And of course all my, "you're a slut!" moments really only came about when I had a boyfriend. Women walking around half-naked and hot? My favorite thing in the world. As a girlfriend in a monogamous relationship? Sluts! Sluts everywhere! So this truly begs the question, is my assessment of this stranger accurate. Or is it influenced by my own personal situation in this world. You're not a slut to me; what happened was I was jealous and got scared. Fear!! It makes us do absolutely psycho things.
So, next time you're called a "slut" just remember, that whole concept is whack anyway, but most importantly, that person is totally jealous. Brush it off and smile back with your sweetest, "thank you" and watch the world burn.
Now, think about the opinions you hold of people you know really well. Think on all the moments you actually spent time thinking about this person. Their whole being. Considering every part of their life; their experiences, their upbringing, the lessons they've learned and forming an opinion based on this. Because, really, before you can form an accurate opinion of someone, you need to know the full story. Have you ever truly gotten someone's full, un-edited story? Never? Do you see my point?
We, actually, have no business even forming opinions of others let alone letting those opinions live in our brains and affect our perspectives. Rubbish. It's all rubbish. And it's all severely skewed based on our own beliefs about the world we live in. For example, what I find to be inherently "good" may be different to you. So, how can I decide if people are good or bad? If my definition of good is different than yours? I mean this is a rabbit hole we could go down. Thoughts and how they're formed and influenced. Essentially, our thoughts, opinions, and outlooks are at the very least, flawed. And this goes for everyone.
So, we've now established that your own brain, when forming opinions, simply does not have enough data to provide an accurate reading on anything! We are limited by our own experiences. And all of our experiences are so incredibly unique it's absolutely wild to assume there is even a standard to follow in terms of a good person or a bad person.
If you can't even trust yourself to make an accurate assessment of someone else's character, why would you trust others to even be CLOSE to making an accurate opinion of you? It is seriously nonsense at that point. Other peoples opinions of you are nonsense.
And just like no one is entitled to your thoughts because they belong to you and live in your head, you are also not entitled to other peoples thoughts. I don't even know why you would be interested in them at this point frankly. At the end of the day, formed opinions of you by strangers and friends are so severely tainted and warped unceremoniously that it's a moot point. So, don't worry that your teacher thinks you're too chatty or that the new girl at school is cooler than you. That's YOUR opinion. Which is flawed.
Always consider the other elements at play when receiving criticism. It's just an opinion and opinions are quite literally fiction. Fabricated out of nothing. Possibly based on a certain situation, but again, you do not have the full picture, why are you forming an opinion based on ONE situation? Just, take it lightly.
The only opinion of you that matters is your own opinion of yourself.
Oh! Bonus thought: No one is actually thinking about you like that. Ever. How often do you really think about people? Sure, when you're in love you can't STOP thinking about that person, but already that person is special to you. In reality, you have absolutely nothing to fear. The only people thinking about you are the people already in love with who you are.
Comments