Love is an incredibly funny thing. It's the only kind of magic we expect. Like it's owed to us. Someone out there is meant for me and it's going to be this incredibly thrilling thing! How did we get here? True love is incredibly precious and definitely full of magic, so why do we just accept that it's coming for us at some point. But, we go beyond that don't we? We don't just trust it to come our way, we go looking for it! Bonkers.
The only real thing you need to understand about love in general is that it is abundant. There is no actual limit to the amount of people/animals/etc. you can love all at one time. Someone new comes into your life? Your heart will grow in order to accommodate them. It's happened to me! I've experienced this on a pet level and a human level. I imagine some people first feel it when having their second child. The unlocking of that "next level" of love when you have your first child? What could compare to that? Fear not! Your heart adjusts. It is impossible to have "less love" for someone compared to someone else. Love is love. It's either there or it's not and when you feel it, it's full-throttle and all-encompassing. You'll know it when you feel it ;)
And just to paint a picture, I'll let you in on a little secret hehe. What falling in love feels like to me - I assume it must be different for everyone with the same kind of theme. My theme to falling in love, as I believe is similar in most cases, is just absolutely losing control. The first feeling I get when I fall is the feeling of being out of control. My chest is light, music is prettier, the day is brighter. I swear my senses intensify and immediately I'm out of control. And then, it's fast, fast, fast! Falling hard and fast is one of the most fun things I've ever done, holy hell! Getting to know someone intimately that quickly is the most exciting thing to me. And vibing with every part of their being so much that I'm having a physical reaction to them? Incredible!
It's scary, don't get me wrong. Feeling out of control is just no fun. But, love is tricky like that, she'll make you think it's fun! Nothing but fun! That's why heartbreak is always so, so bad. No one goes into falling in love thinking it will end. If you did, I don't think you'd be in a place to fully let yourself fall in love in the first place. Truly falling in love takes guts. Some call it naivety and sure it's easier when you're younger. You're indestructible! Past a certain age; though, it takes guts. You're basically surrendering yourself to an emotion. Which we all know are fleeting and very much temporary. So, why do we hold on to the feeling of love so much that we sign documents to secure the feeling for life? A feeling! So dangerous, guys.
We're told all our lives not to make big decisions based off a temporary feeling so when did we decide marriage and love were the exception? I think you have to consider that love is more than just an emotion you feel for someone or something, but has a higher power. In my opinion, I think true love comes with a kind of soul connection. It goes deeper than just an emotion for me.
I've fallen in love with the wrong person. I still consider it to be true love. I think we got the timing wrong. We were very young and different. There were things about me I didn't know yet that he just would not have accepted in a million years; although, I hear he's much more laid back these days. It will be 10 years this October since we broke up and I've seen him twice since where we basically avoided contact at both events. I don't think I'll ever have another conversation with him in my life and I'm okay with that. I still love him and wish the best for him. I just don't want him anymore. He taught me a lot about what I don't want and what I was willing to accept in relationships. He was important to my personal growth at that point in my life. He was important to my survival at that time in my life. I was difficult and not really myself yet. I had no business falling in love or being in love or practicing it! And I am really sorry for that, Scotty. You deserved to love someone whole and that just was not me. Not at 15-17. Next!
One belief I have about love is that once you're in it, you're never really out of it. I don't think about him nearly as much, but I do still think about him. I even dreamed about him the other night. That's how I know I really loved him. True love just does not leave us. It transforms sure, but it's there. Sometimes that love just turns into care. The passion into an appreciation. Sometimes love is too hard, and that love turns into hate. Oh, how that line is fine. But, at the end of the day, it's still love. Love doesn't leave.
My main belief about love; however, is that it enhances our lives. Simply enough, love enhances our lives. It's not an integral part, it is not owed, we are not even destined for it. It's life's most extravagant garnish. It is extremely special to fall in love and make that soul connection and the fact that we all expect it to happen for every single person is a bit ridiculous. There's a reason 50% of marriages end in divorce. And that's just out of the people who decided to legally commit! Think of all the failed attempts at love that didn't even make it that far? I mean, seriously, love fails all the time. More so than it succeeds. The success rate for true love and marriage is pretty slim in my opinion. Throw in monogamy and I just don't even believe it to be honest.
My grandparents have been happily married and in love for like 150 years at this point and they are an okay example of love for me. The best monogamous showing I think. But even then, I have to assume I have family over in Vietnam. It's just not possible people!! True love for life with just the two of you?? I think believing in something like that is even more far fetched than a man hanging out in the sky seemingly only able to take take action when he's shooting us into a fiery hell...(who the fuck wants to believe in that anyway....no thanks). I just think people need to chill and focus on themselves. Love will come. Or it won't. Either way, it's okay. It's for sure not meant for everyone but we keep pretending like it is. It's not!
So, accept it and be excited when it comes. Fall, and fall HARD. It is one of the most thrilling things we can do as humans and I would not be the woman I am today without my life partner. My main soulmate. My forever lover! And I can say forever because absolutely nothing could tear us apart. There's not actually anything either of us could do to offend the other. There are no rules in our union. We are simply here to enhance each others lives and bring about a bit more happiness. That's it. Other than that, I fully expect him to focus on himself in this life and his own personal journey as I plan to do the same. And I'm proud of myself for giving him immense amounts of unblocked opportunities to do so.
So, if you're wondering when you'll get your shot; just remember, love is not destined for everybody so drop your pursuit of love and start your pursuit of happiness and self-love. You'll have a much better shot at love after loving yourself. Focus on you! ;)
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