And so is the idea of committing to one single soul for an UNDEFINED amount of time. But I digress. Let me say, I am happily married.
First of all, monogamy is literal fiction. It’s completely fabricated nonsense that’s supposed to make us feel special but really? At it’s best it’s a form of control and manipulation, but at its worst it’s stifling your own personal growth and exploration in this crazy life.
Hear me out. Genetic research has suggested that monogamy was actually established much more recently than we believe, about 10,000-20,000 years ago. Religion was created around 11,000 years ago. My theory is that monogamy basically came about as a side effect of the establishment of religion in society. Ummm gross?
Now, I’m not making any cases for polygamy per se. Sounds messy and just is not for me I don’t think (again, forever? You want me to commit to forever based on a feeling I had at some - typically early as hell - point in my life?) But polyamory? Let’s fucking normalize this shit people!! Let me explain…and this is my outlook on life and how my partner and I live our lives.
I am essentially my soul (I have suspicions that our hearts are connected to our essential beings as well but that’s another story). And my soul is on ONE of its many journeys right now at this point in time. My whole game here in this life, on this journey so to speak, is to learn whatever lessons I need to learn in order to reach my state of higher being. After that? Who knows. I have theories, but again, that’s for another day. Basically, you go through many lives, learning lessons, collecting souls (friends, lovers, family, etc), and becoming better versions of ourselves.
Not sure which number journey I’m on currently. I always felt like a new soul. Just a bit too silly still. Anyway, that’s it. We get plopped here to reach a higher state of being through our trials and tribulations here on earth. No one is “in charge” of this. No one is up there listening to your pleas so just eat your food or go to bed and focus on you. Because if there was a “god” or higher power as I like to say, Ruth Bader Ginsburg would have gotten her dying wish and her seat would have been appointed after that dumpster fire was out dammit!! I digress.
So, we’re here. To learn and explore and better ourselves. We’re not here to work, or fall in love, or even procreate! But somehow, some way our biggest life steps and achievements are job, marriage, kids. Bonkers.
The way I see it, at the end of the day, I take care of me. Because in the end, I only have me. So one of the first things you wanna do is get comfortable with your own company! Haha! And anyone else I meet along the way is essential to my development. Not necessarily beneficial to it, but essential. So of course, I choose who stays and who goes now. That’s my choice and mine alone because right now my top priority is to learn as much as I can about myself in order to become the best version of myself. So I surround myself with positive influences only that enhance my life and foster growth in me.
I got lucky, I fell in love. With the right person. Because I’ve fallen in love with the wrong person too and that feels a hell of a lot like the real thing. He is one of my many soulmates (I’ve actually met two! But again, different story!!) and my purpose as his soulmate is to aid him in his journey of finding himself and becoming a better person. To make him smile and bring positivity into his life. To be honest with him when I feel like I can’t do that, but to always try. Essentially, to enhance his life. That’s it. And I choose every day whether he stays. Makes every day special. Wanna know the secret to a forever honeymoon phase? Choose to love your partner every day. Mindfully. And he’s just happy I pick him :) we’re grateful.
So, who am I to tell him no when it comes to his own exploration and journey? I would have to be a pretty shitty soulmate to not encourage him to walk through every door that opens up for him. I just don’t have time to worry about something like monogamy. Maybe part of finding who he is is exploring his sexuality! How the fuck or why the fuck would I ever say no to that? I’m just so uninterested in ever stifling any part of his body, mind, heart, or soul. And it boggles my brain that more people aren’t like this.
I mean, really. Do you like the feeling of jealousy? The paranoia that comes with the pressure of being monogamous?
Let me paint you a picture of two ways this plays out. Context: I accidentally fall in love with another person.
1. I deal with this alone unable to confide in my partner for fear of panicking them. I’m now keeping secrets. I panic because I didn’t think this was possible. The pressure is too much, the doubt builds and peaks, I leave. Because now I’ve confused my belief in “the one” with monogamy. It’s not that my partner isn’t “the one” it’s that I ever believed in that idea in the first place that poses the actual threat to my relationship. If I'm worried about losing "the one" or that I only really have "one" shot at true love...I might convince myself he's wrong for me.
Alternatively…
2. My partner and I accept that love is abundant and silly and are open to the idea of many lovers and soulmates as the pressure to fulfill all companionship needs for an undefined but long as fuck time is too much for one person. I share that I have fallen in love and how scared I am because I didn’t think that was possible. We have an open discussion where my loving husband reminds me of what a loving giving person i am and of course I'm capable of being in love with two people at once. I feel better and we laugh about this for the rest of our lives.
Like, option 2 sounds dope why aren’t more people doing this? Just decide that all you want for your partner is for them to be happy and start accepting everything that does that! Sometimes it’s sex with other people whoopdeedoo! Seriously, not a big deal when the trade off is open communication and acceptance.
Bottom line, I’m just happy he’s happy and if I’m tired and Susie loo down the street isn’t, go play with her, dude. I get you FOR LIFE according to the law. I’m going to need some breaks.
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