What is a trigger? A trigger can be found on machines to enact some sort of process; essentially, triggering an event or reaction. Mostly, physical triggers - that is, triggers that are physically operational in relation to other physically operational parts of a "thing" - are used to ignite that "thing" quickly and effectively.
I'm not talking about these kinds of triggers, though.
While both triggers being mentioned here can be tangible in the same ways, the triggers we are diving into today are of the emotional nature and the reactionary element to emotional triggers is not a compartment of a machine, but a subset of the human being. We all have triggers because we all have experiences associated with emotions that leave us feeling a certain way; that is life.
Triggers are emotional landmines hidden in plain sight and can be anything at all! Some triggers are anniversaries or even certain sounds. A lot of the time, triggers are formed from unresolved trauma often stemming from emotional or physical abuse.
There is; of course, a negative connotation to emotional triggers and for good reason! Triggers can bring about a sense of discomfort that goes beyond feeling unbalanced. Something that is emotionally triggering can increase anxiety, make us panic, evoke crying or seemingly inexplicable anger, and overall will inevitably turn us into monster-versions of ourselves. The best way to keep your monster-self at bay? Figure out your triggers and how to best reduce them - because total avoidance is a pipe dream.
The easiest way to identify triggers is to get a third-party opinion on the matter. Ask your friends! Ask your family. Find a therapist! Schedule with Tallulah. However you go about it, get someone else who knows you well, or is able to know you well or get there quickly, and coordinate. I understand if you don't want to drag your friends into your psyche and there are a myriad of reasons not to want to do this. Adding a friend is simply the icing on the trigger exploration cake.
On your own, identifying triggers looks like reflecting on experiences where you felt on-alert in an uncomfortable way. These are the situations in which your boundaries have been crossed, your wounds have taken a direct hit, or trauma responses have reared their heads. If your reaction to a past event left you feeling confused or unlike yourself? You may have identified a time when you were triggered.
What is an example of a trigger in real time?
Primary Trigger: Relationship with money/Money generally
Source/Wound: Financial abuse throughout childhood
Outcome: Equating money with love, not taking money too seriously, hating when money is involved, avoiding money topics, avoiding finances, seeking emotional security through finances.
Secondary Trigger: Abandonment/Betrayal
Source/Wound: Paternal emotional abandonment in early childhood
Outcome: Avoidant-attachment style
Event: A long-time, close, and trusted friend accuses individual of stealing money off their dresser while individual is severely intoxicated.
Reaction: Individual punches close friend in the face and yells at everyone in the room about betrayal of trust before storming away and slamming the door.
Now, this individual is a relatively calm, balanced, and fair human being who handles adrenaline extremely well, but it doesn't matter who we are or what we are capable of when we're triggered. We become different versions of ourselves; the hurt version who needs healing, love, and care. And when we're triggered, our anxiety goes up exponentially and has a direct correlation to anger as both catalyze the other. Messy!
Most of the time, we're able to identify the event and reaction first before being able to identify the trigger or its source. A helpful way to identify triggers is to become more aware of the coaction between mind, body, and feelings. When these things are out of sync, you will notice some form of unease. Reflect on past events where you were feeling this uneasiness and make a list of what was going on in your environment. Can you link it to another time you were hurt? Is this hurt a pattern in your life? What defense mechanisms did it engage?
Our brains are filled with an arsenal of memories here and there and triggering events will stand out! If you're having trouble, or you'd like clarification, now is the time to ask a friend or family member who knows you best. "Remember that time? When else was I like that?" Our inner circles do not store a ton of memories on us, so your triggering events will certainly stand out to them. Get input!
Reflect on the times you have experienced sudden unexplained shifts in feelings and behaviors. Our individual in the above example had never shown capability for physical violence ever before. This would be a sudden unexplained shift in behavior.
Eventually, the triggers and sources of the triggers were identified; meaning, the next step would be planning. What practices do you have in place when triggers come up? What practices do you have in place to avoid these triggers the best way you can?
Once you've identified all your triggers - or at least tried to identify all - you can move into the planning phase and put into place a plan of action for when you're feeling triggered.
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