For a good amount of people this word brings the warm fuzzies. Maybe you have a perfectly in-tact family whose only real issues are quite literally fabricated from their own insecurities and lack of knowledge. Sounds nice! Unfortunately, for many people this is not the case at all. The "Nuclear Family" may not fit your mold, and that's okay! "Family" is a weird concept and should not be determined by the make-up of your DNA. Remember, you always have a choice.
The essence of who we are is contained in what we refer to as our soul. I have suspicions that a little of who we are is also held in our heart, but staying on topic, none of who we are is held in any of our body parts. So why do we let our body make-up determine who is in our inner-most circle of people? Family is a big deal! It's your main support, your rock, where you begin to build and the first influence over you. Why let your DNA make that choice for you? I mean, we're talking about THE most important people in your life and you're going to let those people be defined by how the universe set you up? No thanks!
Bottom line, someone else made the decision to bring you into this shitty world, not you. And that's great for some of us. Some of us come out pretty and white and blonde with lots of financial support and all the connections in the world. Fabo! Unfortunately, this is simply not the case for the vast majority of people. My soul found its way into a body that I happen to love. My demographic is a little lucky and comes with multiple privileges and open doors. I recognize this and am grateful for what my "look" brings into my life, but how fucking bizarre! The idea that your entire essence is not connected to your body/vessel should mean the opportunities we're presented with should not be connected to our image whatsoever, but alas, here we are. Bonkers.
So, here you are. A decision made without your input, but welcome! We've set you up with parents and maybe a sibling or two, have fun!
I'm sorry, but what? Who the fuck are these people. Thank you for carrying me for 9 months and what not, but beyond that, what exactly do I owe you? You set this plan into motion, my life is your responsibility now for a time, sure. All of that has absolutely nothing to do with me and who I am, though. My blood is similar to your blood, okay. My blood is not who I am. My soul has no biological connection or otherwise to these people whatsoever. Why would I place them in such a high spot in my life? Based on some genes? For fuck sakes, there's people out there who don't even trust science, but will die for their family members. What is your connection to them? Really? Familiarity over time, sure. Beyond that? You're using them as a crutch because you got used to them being around. You don't actually owe them anything. This journey is about you.
I let go of my familial connections and redefined what family means to me. It's my biggest support. And I'm only picking my best cheerleaders to occupy those spots. The sibling rivalry that escalates into jealousy and contempt for the other sibling? Fuck that! Let go of the importance put on family and recognize that your sibling is a valid human being with different life experiences. Do you want them to be your friend? Do they hype you up more than they tear you down? No? Goodbye!
I was born into a family with a heteronormative couple so I grew up with a mom and dad. Shortly after being brought into this life, my biological parents decided to have another child. Enter my sister. SHE ROCKS. Coolest person I know, absolutely will be a part of my life forever. I love her the most out of everyone in this world and would absolutely take a bullet for her. No one deserves as much happiness and peace as she does. Paints a pretty picture right? We absolutely could not have gotten to this place without the hardships we endured together and separate but dealt with as a unit. A strong unit.
Unfortunately for my father, but extremely fortunate for me, he is simply not a part of my family. Not because he fucked off and never looked back or anything like that. He tries. Sometimes. Really only if it benefits him somehow. He's a narcissist who used to tell me I was going to hell every day for a myriad of reasons. I tried getting him help when he was in my life but he refuses and you can't help someone who doesn't want help. Who can't see there's a problem to fix. Oh well.
My family consists of my biological mother, my biological sister, and my husband. It also includes a list of friends I consider to be very dear to me. I expect my family to grow and change consistently. Shedding the fat, and building the muscle. My family is dynamic, not solid. I actually prefer this as commitment is weird. I choose every day that this is my family. Tomorrow that could change.
Comments