My mother used to say this all the time. In fact, it's one of the things I attribute to her. I am not entirely sure anyone else's mother was as adamant about this as mine. She would knock this into my brain throughout my youth along with her universal advice of, "Live within your means, pay your taxes, and don't be a dick." It's really all you need to remember to be healthy. Put this in your back pocket.
Don't be a follower; what the heck? The first time I was told this I was utterly confused. We're told to follow all the time! Follow the rules, follow the leader, follow through; follow, follow, follow. How does one achieve not following while also matching the status quo? We learn by following. We see our parents take a step so one day we decide to try it and now we know how to walk! How else do you learn things if not by following examples?
There's a balance, I eventually realized; as with everything in life. You must strike a balance. I think what my mother meant to say was, don't do idiot things just because your friends are doing idiot things. That's really what she meant because often when she'd recall these words of wisdom - don't be a follower! - she'd supplement it with a question. A question we've all been asked countless times without ever knowing the correct way to respond. It feels like a trap!
"If everyone was jumping off a bridge, would you jump too?" Something like that.
Why bridge jumping? Why is the image always of our friends jumping off bridges. Was this something that happened in that generations youth? Bridge jumping? Never in my life have I been faced with the dilemma of wanting or needing to jump off a bridge just because the majority was doing it. I understand the sentiment though.
But here's my problem. I would jump off that bridge if everyone was doing it. I like a good time! That sounds like fun! If enough people had gone before me safely, I would absolutely take the plunge. Is this a character flaw of mine? Because when faced with life's greatest challenge; will you jump too(?), why, yes! Yes I would! If it's safe. Why would we miss out on that?
In the end, it's not about being a leader or a follower. It's about staying true to yourself and your values. Don't compromise your beliefs based on what the majority is doing. That's what they meant. When faced with the choice to be authentic or to fall in line, choose authenticity.
But, Lily, sometimes we need to follow the rules or fall in line in order to protect the collective whole. Aha! You've highlighted a great point. When faced with an enemy, the group is stronger than the individual. Falling in line when faced with challenges can be productive. Take the mask mandates for example. It's a fucking mask, just put it on.
So, now we're faced with a situation in which we should be a follower. How can we differentiate the moments in which we follow and in which we lead? Instinct. That's all we've got really. A feeling.
If doing the thing will compromise who you are as a person, don't do it. If doing the thing is beneficial in some way to you or the collective? Do it. But do it in a way that is your own. Forge new paths; lead!
Sometimes we don't have the energy to lead and that's okay. It's perfectly okay to follow in these instances. To do what successful people have done in the past or to put yourself on autopilot in order to reset.
It's okay to be a sheep once in awhile if it means you're learning or having fun. Just be sure your settings are switched to lion eventually. Balance, friends! Some bridges are meant to be jumped off of and it seems much more fun to do that with others than to do that alone.
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