Crying is one of the things I promote and encourage in everyone. Through our tears, we release neurochemicals that help calm us down, manage pain, and set us right again! There really is no downside to letting it all out! Except the stigma.
Which is so bizarre because I'm sure - old traditional fucks "raising" (ruining) boys aside - anyone you ask would encourage you to just cry it out! We're all very accepting of when someone else needs to do it, and we even know just what to say in these moments somehow to provide comfort and support. Why are we so bad at doing this ourselves?
I, personally, find that I feel like a burden when I cry. It's everyone's immediate reaction to comfort you and for some reason something about this makes me uncomfortable. I don't like feeling like I'm being needy in any way and crying is one of those things that shows people we need help in some manner. It's the SOS that comes with crying that I just can't get over!
If I truly believed I could sit and cry in public without anyone bothering me, I would have no issue with it at all. I am not ashamed to cry in front of others, I just don't want people getting involved with my crying. I don't care to explain myself; I have a therapist for that. And really? It just seems nosy in a way, right? Which is super fucked because some people just genuinely care. I really do believe that. But when in this space where I need to cry? My foundation for reality is lacking and I get suspicious. Leave me alone! I'll say. And run away.
It's completely diabolical because I am one of those individuals who just wants to help. If I saw someone crying alone, I'd absolutely offer to help them. BUT I WOULD HATE IT if someone did that to me. Where is the logic? It's kind of funky! Just as the logic between being accepting of other people crying, and almost punishing yourself for doing the same thing, is also flawed and whack.
I really don't know what the solution to this is. I could try rewiring my brain into believing I am NOT burden when crying; however, you asking me what you can do to help? Proves my point by making me feel like one.
So, maybe I have to consider that the rewiring lies somewhere in the difference between "help" and "burden" I think this may be my true issue. I know, like many people out there, I was not given the space to share my own issues as a child which deemed every one of them as "superfluous" to me. I'm "too much" for feeling this way; better swallow it!
So, that's what I do! And I let all my sadness, grief, longing, heartache, anger, and disappointment build up until I explode into a fit of rage. And it's quite the scene as I stomp down the city streets, steam spewing from my ears in a red hot fury. It's never pretty. But I continue to do it because I honest-to-fuck was never taught any differently. I'm thinking it may be time to teach myself.
If you find yourself with similar views on crying - accepting it in others, but not so much in yourself - take this as a wake-up call to rewire that brain of yours! I think it's about time I do this too.
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