Sometimes we happen upon an experience in life that leaves us feeling quite baffled to the point of upset. These instances occur seemingly out of the blue and typically involve interactions with complete strangers. Remember this, the person is a complete stranger.
I happen to have two award-winning performances by strangers to share with you all today that taught me the lesson in letting it roll. And that is my advice to you in these encounters, just let it roll right off of you! Don't think too much on it, don't play too much with the emotions that pass through you. Don't give this energy any attention at all. Just let it roll.
These stranger encounters I speak of include some sort of verbal assault. Yes, a stranger has just verbally eviscerated you. Whatever should you do?
The first example I'm giving happened months ago and I tell this story far and wide because it's just so absolutely bizarre. And that's the nature of these interactions! When a stranger verbally assaults you it is absolutely bizarre. Spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
I was expecting a package from Amazon and as part of the features on Amazon, the currier typically gives you a clue as to where they have left your package. I was waiting on a notebook and the message on my Amazon indicated that my package was "left with a neighbor" great! Thanks Amazon!
I did not know my neighbors. I live in a city and we all know that being neighborly in a city is creepy at best and suspicious as fuck at worst. This is ridiculous obviously, but it's the way cities work in my experience. You're the weirdo with a nefarious agenda for being friendly. So, here I am in a city and my package was left with a neighbor. Did not specify which neighbor, just told me - I assume - to start knocking on the doors of these lovely people.
It was a reasonable hour of the morning, think 11:00am. It's late enough in the day that it's acceptable to call on someone, but yet it is still the morning. In my little brain, things were just getting started and there was no possible indication yet that the day was inherently "good" or "bad" all I knew was that the hour was reasonable and the day was getting started.
I approached the neighbors in the building located to the left of my building first. There were 4 options in the form of buttons on the wall that I assumed would buzz the relevant apartment. Being reasonable still, I hit the first floor. I figured, putting my little feet in the currier's shoes, that they would have also hit the first floor buzzer. The currier clearly wasn't concerned with leaving the package at the right address, so why would they hit the corresponding floor to my address? I hit number 1.
A tiny rage tornado in the form of a 5-foot tall, withering, old man with a crooked nose came storming out the door. Literal smoke was fuming from his ears and his hair soon caught fire.
"No packages!" he yelled at me before I could get out a word, "No packages here. Absolutely no packages. No more packages!"
This man was yelling at the top of his lungs at me. I was baffled. I was not expecting this sort of greeting whatsoever. And then I thought back to my previous deduction where I had assumed the currier would leave my package with the first floor tenant. If I had assumed the currier would leave the package here, and if I was right this time, maybe all the curriers in the history of my street were leaving packages with this first-floor tenant. I tried to adjust.
I looked this man dead in the eye and squeaked, "So, do you have my package?"
Readers, I know. What was I thinking? I had just been berated with several different ways to express, "no, there is no package here" that could possibly be verbalized and yet there I was with my question that had not yet left my lips. Of course, more yelling ensued and I got a door slammed in my face.
This is bizarre, right? This man did not know me. This man did not know I was there to get a package (I was) yet he chose to yell at me anyway. This has nothing to do with me. In fact, I left him a note wishing him a good day and how lucky he was to have encountered me as I would not be engaging in an argument (Don't get me wrong, I tried to send my husband down there to tell him he could not speak to me that way in my immediate reaction but opted for this once I settled down).
And I did! I left him a note detailing how sorry I was that (obviously) something had happened and he felt the need to displace his feelings onto me. That I would not be taking this personally and instead would send him positive vibes.
You do not need to do this. In fact, I think I wrote the note as a way to be a bit spiteful. I did send him positive energy as he clearly was dealing with something far greater than a package barrage, but I most definitely wrote that note with the air of "kill them with kindness" which is oh so sweetly bitter of me.
I don't think he ever found the note, or else he plopped it back outside my door eventually as I found it, ink bleeding from the rain, outside my doorstep.
The best option here is to just let it roll. We can all very clearly agree that this verbal assault, while aimed at me, had nothing to do with me as a person. But it's hard! It's hard not to take yelling very personal. We usually get yelled at when we fuck up. So, of course you're going to feel like you're in the wrong somehow, you're not! Let the feeling of wanting revenge to roll right off of you and simply laugh.
I never got that package and had to re-order on Amazon, citing that it had been lost.
I refer to this man as the package goblin now. I rarely see him ever with the exception of seeing him almost every single day the week my mother visited. We even caught him in his natural habitat, on his doorstep, denying a package delivery. Good for him! And the package goblin lives on.
And this happens randomly but certainly. We've all been caught in the crossfires of someone else's shit storm and I'm telling you, don't let that energy seep into you! The best thing to do is to laugh it off. Smile even. It's unsettling to the person assaulting you.
I guess I have two pieces of advice. Either kill them with kindness or let it roll completely. This next story involves letting it roll completely.
My husband and I have been trying to teach our little teddy bear dog how to walk off-leash. This apparently ruffles feathers or else it did ruffle the feathers of one very particular man. This was yet another older gentleman; although, calling him a gentleman is generous. This was an asshole of a human being.
And I get that dogs being off-leash is a bit of a "no-no" in the dog community. My dog may be friendly, but yours might not be! I know the argument, and we try to keep a distance until it has been verbalized that our dogs can meet. We follow the etiquette as closely as we can. But she's learning.
We round the corner and happen upon a man with his dog on a leash. Fine, we keep our distance. The distance was not great enough, I suppose, as this man started yelling at us.
"Where is the leash?" he started out reasonably, but when we produced the leash, he got irate.
"It needs to be on!" "That's not doing anything!" blah, blah, blah. Rage, rage, rage.
My husband finally found his words and simply said, "Mind your own business, man," walking away from him.
This man! Smoke now billowing out of his ears as well, stammered out a, "You stupid fucker!" before turning away and continuing on his day.
And a thousand things went through my head then. What a fucking whack-job. A stupid fucker? My husband was a stupid fucker for not having our dog on a leash. And again, I understand the frustration there, as some people with off-leash dogs don't follow the unspoken etiquette. But really?
I considered telling that man he could not speak to my husband in that way. I considered starting to speak in Spanish, telling him I couldn't understand him. I even considered lashing out something equally as hurtful back. Instead, I turned around then smiled and laughed.
What else can you do? This person is clearly operating from a very negative space and we do not have the time for that sort of energy! I let it roll. And once you do this, you can really see the humor in it. How bizarre it is. How undeserving it is. And how you do not wish to interact with that energy. You do not have to accept it at all! Don't let these verbal assaults ruin your day, it is not worth the heart space it takes up.
My husband has decided that if he ever sees that man pass below our window, he will be dropping water balloons on him. Fine! If you want to expend the energy and money to purchase balloons, fill them with water, and wait around by the window all day just to catch this man. Fine. But I say, why?
Letting it roll does two things, it protects your energy while silently portraying to the assaulter that they've made no impact on you. This is very powerful. People assume raising their voice means their point will be made even harder. Prove them wrong. Smile, laugh, and let it roll!
Kommentarer