Regulating emotions has got to be one of the most tedious and demanding tasks besetting the human spirit. It seems no matter who we are, emotions can rip us out of the present and throw us into the solitude of our own minds and hearts where we try to rebalance ourselves before reentering life under the assumption that no one could possibly understand.
As we proceed with this personal regulation of emotions, something just as magical is happening at a much larger scale. Life; itself, seems to lend a hand in not only rebalancing emotions, but imbibing us with the very thing that brings them into existence; the presence of the counterpart.
We've all heard before that every cloud has a silver lining, that salty and sweet taste amazing together, and that pain and pleasure tend to send us spiraling into orgasmic dreamland. And this is true! The duality of something is interesting to us for good reason. Duality is a pattern that can be found in every facet of life, and it teaches us tolerance and acceptance. As I often say, the opposite of what we believe is also true! One of the many paradoxes of life. The paradox of emotions; however, is one of my favorites.
What is this paradox of emotions? For every emotion, there is a counter-emotion, and neither can exist without the other. For example, you cannot know happiness without sadness and vice versa. You cannot know joy without despair, success without failure, or hate without love. And you will find that every emotion you can possibly experience comes with a counter-emotion that proves the aforementioned emotion is; in fact, real.
These counterpart emotions are directly correlated too. The deeper you've experienced sadness, the greater capability you have to experience happiness. As the experience of one emotion levels up, so does the capacity to feel the other emotion. What does this look like in reality? It's the kid with depression who seems to laugh too easily, smile innapropriately, and joke-respond almost automatically. It's a paradox! And why it's so difficult for people to catch on when someone is actually having a rough go at it. "They were always laughing and cracking jokes, this doesn't make sense," doesn't it?
Being in such a dark, low space means our happiness triggers are extra-sensitive. We're desperate for the relief from the endless pain that even a crumb of happy cake is intoxicating because it's comparative. Something that is mildly funny to someone who has not experienced deep sadness, might send a deeply sad individual into a laughing fit on the floor. It's liberating! This crumb of happiness is liberating to the sad individual, and a quick buzz to the base-line individual.
And I think it's because the counter-emotion creates a craving in us. The deeper the craving, the more we need it, the more we're inclined to feel it. Here, the "craving" is brought on by the counter-emotion (sadness) which creates a need for the goal emotion (happiness) which then results in high sensitivity to that goal emotion. When we're starving, the smell of food is euphoric because we need it. Pass by that same restaurant after a meal, and you may not even notice the smell. It's just like that!
Of course, it works the other way too. With the highs come the crashes and the higher you go, the deeper a hole you fall into. It's the natural regulation of emotions at a universal scale. Once you've reached a certain level of emotion A+, you will then be able to reach that same level of intensity with emotion A-.
Your ability to feel a certain level of goal emotion is directly related to your experience level of the counter-emotion. Take sex for example! Consistent playdates won't yield the same results as intermediate playdates. Having sex on a daily basis means you don't crave it as much, meaning your sensitivity to orgasm is not as high. It's why doms orgasm-gate subs for days or even weeks at a time; to make the eventual orgasm all the better. And physically speaking, our bodies support this. You will come faster and harder the longer you've gone since your last session. It's the difference between "I miss/want it" and "I'm starved of/need it" It's a level of counter-emotion directly affecting the level of goal emotion.
Moving away from the craving to high sensitivity model, this yin and yang of emotions and counter-emotions also makes the palpability of each emotion possible.
Consider the rubber band. Imagine wrapping a rubber band around a finger on each hand being pulled thin, each finger being the data point of experience level; one finger being the goal emotion, and the other being the counter-emotion. As one finger pulls in one direction, the other finger - mobile or not - will move farther away from the moving finger. the rubber band stretches, and the capacity to stretch like that again is strengthened. The entire rubber band is affected even though one data point (level of emotion) does not move (is not active inside you).
Emotions along with their counter-emotions exist on this rubber band spectrum and as the elasticity wears out and our emotions become deeper, so does the ability to bounce back from these emotions. You're being stretched thin and your elasticity is gone! But your capacity for emotion is great. And our experiences continue to stretch our emotional rubber band to its limit.
This is actually good news because it means that for every shitty experience we have that leaves us in emotional turmoil, our capacity for the equal and opposite emotional experience is unlocked. The paradox of emotions!
Next time you're faced with an experience that leads to some icky emotion, keep in mind your rubber band, and know that an equal and opposite emotional opportunity now exists for you! You're leveling up, baby!
Comments