Automatic messages are something we all deal with on a regular basis. Self-doubt is bred from negative automatic messages and comes through as our inner voice; the voice in our head. The voice inside your head is there to stay! So, I suggest you try and make it your friend and not your enemy.
Unfortunately, for the vast majority of us, our truest and fiercest enemy is ourselves and we can see evidence of this through something called automatic messaging. An automatic message is basically your inner voice filter free! It's your gut-reaction instinctual response to whatever you just asked yourself or whatever that person just said to you.
What comes out through your inner voice when people pay you a compliment? What does your inner voice say when someone puts you down? How your inner voice reacts to certain emotions can tell us more about how we take care of ourselves, or moreso, what we lack in taking care of ourselves.
Does your inner voice try to fight back when someone gives you a compliment? Maybe you were taught that that was the polite thing to do as to appear humble in opposition to self-inflated. Be self-inflated about compliments! Someone is taking time out of their day to say something nice about you! Bask in this, validate what they say, and stick that compliment in your back pocket!
Think of the times you've paid a compliment. The other person doubting themselves just means you have to make an argument for your compliment being a sound point. It's exhausting. Save the compliment-payer and accept what they say as truth.
So, what do automatic messages look and sound like? It's the things you say to yourself almost out of instinct because of the habit to do so. One of the automatic messages I deal with in my head is "because you're not a good person." Any time I ask myself why something happened or how I could have done that, I always hear this message. It's stuck with me for quite some time and rewiring my brain to think something else has taken a long time.
I used to prescribe to the belief that everything happens for a reason. The only way to get passed this automatic message of mine was to drop that belief so I would stop asking myself the "why" of everything. If I wasn't even asking the question, then I wouldn't ever hear that automatic answer anymore.
I'm not sure this was the healthiest way around this automatic message as it changed my beliefs but maybe that's the whole point of automatic messages. Maybe they're meant to challenge our beliefs and reshape us to be better versions of ourselves, who knows!
And the world being made up of random events and synchronicities has allowed me to stop answering myself in ways that put me down. By tuning into my automatic messages I learned that I did not actually love myself as much as I claimed. It was extremely eye-opening and I would never treat a friend or even a stranger this way; why am I treating myself this way? (Cue: "because you're not a good person") eyeroll!
It takes time and a concentrated effort to rewire automatic messages especially if they come from your childhood and even more especially if this automatic message was first given from a primary caregiver. It's hard for us to separate flawed opinion from fact when it comes to primary caregivers because our innate belief is that they know everything. So, they must be right about me! Blah! Throw it out!
If you've decided to tune into your automatic messages in moments when you're being praised or criticized, you'll be able to understand your relationship with yourself with much more clarity. This will give you a baseline for where to begin on your journey to self-love and ultimately self-acceptance.
Journaling is a great way to aid in rewiring. As an activity, take notes and record your automatic messages. Next to each negative message, write something positive in its place.
Example:
Why did this bad thing happen to me?
Automatic message: because you're not a good person
Rewired message: "Bad things happen to good people too, and you are one of those good people"
Rewired message: "Not everything happens for a reason"
And you can write as many rewired messages as it takes! Sometimes it takes a lot of positivity to finally uproot the negativity found in your automatic messaging. Writing down positive statements to negate all the automatic shite is one effective way to rewiring your more negative messages. Start tuning in! Record and rewire! You'll love yourself a little more easily with this.
Comments