Women love touching. Women love touching when they feel safe. Most of the time, women experience touching when they do not feel safe. There is no need to initiate touching as a man. If a woman is into you, she will touch you.
This is the answer. If you want to know if a woman is into you, pay attention to how many opportunities she takes to touch you in a non-sexual way. Touching and being in close proximity are two tell-tale signs that she is into you. Whispering in your ear? Fixing your hair? All of these things can be indicators. Women do not touch until they feel safe to do so. At the very least, she feels safe around you. Which probably cannot be said for most of the men in her circle. Already, you're ahead of the curve!
Non-sexual touching is a woman's favorite way to give and receive affection. This is a bold statement and I'm sure there are women out there who would disagree. I claim this to be true based on my experience of life and the attitudes of the women I've met. There's a reason girl friends cuddle each other and play with each other's hair. It's the way we show each other affection. Some women don't cuddle their friends, I'm aware of this. I suspect they wish they did though.
Not all non-sexual touching indicates a crush, however. Sometimes non-sexual touching by a woman simply indicates that there is a level of trust between you. She could be touching you and consider you a friend. Refer back to the last paragraph to understand women friendship dynamics.
There is a level between non-sexual touching and sexual touching and this is the sweet spot for "crushes." If a woman has a crush on you, she will engage in suggestive touching. This is usually accompanied by suggestive phrasing when it comes to conversation. An example of suggestive touching would be her tracing the outline of your fingers with her fingers. She's teasing you with hand-holding. It may even end with her "testing out" what it would feel like to hold your hand.
A real life example of suggestive touching occurred when I was in college. I had a crush on my guy friend and instead of just going for it, I would pretend-kiss him. Sometimes I would get so close to his face we were almost kissing just to pull away and giggle at the last second. Sometimes I'd go in fast for a kiss just to cover his mouth with my hand and kiss the back of my hand. This is all suggestive touching.
I know, I'm rolling my eyes at myself too.
We're testing the waters to see how you react in order to gauge whether or not to go for it. We don't like to put ourselves out there either. Suggestive touching is like research. Pay attention to it.
This is where it gets mighty tricky for w|w relationships. I'm telling men they do not need to initiate touch because the woman will if she is interested past an acquaintance. Any touching by the man prior to touching given by the woman is usually very unwanted. Avoid awkwardness by keeping a respectable distance and survey the suggestive touching if it occurs at all.
For w|w relationships! I wish I had some solid advice on how to tell if a woman was into you based on her touching because as I've mentioned before women can get very touchy with each other without it meaning anything. RIP to all you lesbians/bisexuals out there dealing with this mind-fuckery.
I was lucky in my first w|w relationship because she was very bold and confident. I met her at a party and we made suggestive eye-contact (we all know what I'm talking about), she walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and led me into the bathroom where we hooked up. I was confident she was under the impression I was straight. Thank goodness for gay telepathy.
And I'd just say, rely on the telepathy. Prolonged eye contact can be enough to hint at an interest. I'm not saying to run with it just because someone held your gaze for a while, but put that note in your pocket for later when you're wondering if that person is into you. Het couples, this does not apply to you. You never evolved into eye-contact telepathy because you could openly show your affection in public throughout history. It's the gay genes that activate telepathy.
And not all gays are aware of this telepathy which is where it becomes tricky. Baby gays (not children, but newly out-of-the-closet gays of age), closeted gays, or otherwise suppressed gay people may not have direct access to this telepathy. I've played around with this telepathy and I've found the most successful, meaningful eye-contact I've made comes with a few other cues.
My most successful "gayze" - my word for homosexual eye-contact that is telepathically suggestive - begins with pro-longed eye-contact followed by the dip of my chin and a soft and mischievous smile. That's it. That's really all we have! If there's anything worse than unwanted touching by the gender you're attracted to, it's unwanted touching from a gender you are not attracted to. As a gay person, you're always jumping over the fire of, are they even attracted to my gender in the first place? The gayze helps.
All in all, men need to stop touching women initially. It's good to be comforting with your touch but just be patient. Wait until she touches you first. Ask, for goodness sakes! If you simply can't wait, ask. My advice to women wondering if a woman is into you, solidify that gayze. Unfortunately, this is all we have for now. Hopefully, with time, I'll have more to say on w|w relationships as I gain more experience in that arena.
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