Your favorite devastated idiot is back! And yes, this seems to be a side effect to following your heart. Still, I will continue to do it. You should too.
I thought I could be friends with a lover I was pursuing after they rejected me and I was wrong. I did not figure this out until after attempting to be their friend for a little and I'm just going to warn you all now. Being friends with a lover post lover days feels like reliving rejection on repeat.
And this may be my ego talking and acting out of turn being bruised and upset, but it's the truth! Once a lover always a lover! Being friends is painful. I may not have given it enough time; though.
I guess I should've known and I kind of did. I warned my lover that this may not work and we did it anyway! I'm so sorry. Save yourself from what I now refer to as the pain train. This is what you get on when you decide to stay friends. One big locomotive of lunacy. Where the wheels and the pain spin 'round and 'round. There should be a song out there about this; the pain train. Don't get on!!! Cut your losses and move on like you're supposed to. Don't muck everything up by belittling what you had into a "just" anything. It'll break your heart. Be adamant about your love! Insist the chapter end there if it must!
And, no, I didn't fall in love with this particular lover but it was headed in that direction. Everything was pretty lined up until we let fear and doubt get in the way. I really cared about them; I really did. Which is why I thought I could be a friend! But damn, you guys! I really liked this person!
So, I'm here to tell you that no, you should not attempt friendship with someone you saw yourself settling down with kinda lover because it's like sticking metal spoons in sockets: electrical sockets, eye sockets; you choose. That's what it's like.
And I'm absolutely ridiculous by the way.
I presumptuously called this particular lover out on their rejection antics and I'm sure I'll never hear from them again for being so bold and accusatory, but it's my truth! They needed to know. I very much believe they do have serious/semi-serious feelings for me in reciprocation and that's what scared them away! If not, well that's a little embarrassing but I refuse to take it back! Again, could be my ego. Seems like it might be, actually.
I'm stumped! I really am because all the options I had in front of me absolutely sucked. Unfortunately, relationships typically involve another person with their own agendas and intentions and our intentions didn't line up I guess! Or else, this person really just didn't like me very much which could be the case. I shared a lot of my icky bits with them. I might have scared them away by accident. This could be on me. Totally.
But of course I shared my icky bits! I liked this person! They needed to know the truth of Lily.
So, what will I do next? The very same thing I keep doing. I'll continue to thrust my heart out into the open hoping and wishing for the right people to pick it up. I'll just keep trying to be my honest self because that's really the absolute best anyone can do! Woo!
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